Scottish ski instructor breaks into a chalet for the night after losing his key whilst busting some moves in Jacks.   He refuses apartment offers as they were too far away from his next morning's ski lesson.

Ania finds Adam passed out, hugging his guitar in Alpaka foyer at 8am.  He'd done the gig the night before and had celebrated his top performance in Jacks but had broken back into the Alpaka for a quick nap and a cuddle on the way home.

Ski instructor fears for his bum after amourous advances of an over affectionate trainee.

Unmentionable worldly  staff break into off piste terrain for sexy times in the pool and sauna.

My notes don't make much sense but something to do with Jo from Tignes.co.uk being thrashed by Cheeseburger's hose??

A swollen faced Ruskie manages a personal best in getting busted up after a pharmaceutical cocktail resulted in confusion and accidentally getting her head slammed in the toilet door.

Two guests get confused by the booze.  Luckily Brenda was on hand to take them in from the Lavachet night's chill.

TC takes in an unconcious stray that couldn't remember what floor he lived on.  He returned the favour by chundering all over his couch!

Rumours that Loop KP is back working the bar.  Red lippy lover does't seem too bothered though as Piers was kept up all night with Cheerleading chants.

I kissed a boy and I liked it!  Junior chef and the handyman shunned the ladies.

Steph wltm anyone that looks like Rory!

Tignes Cuisine Chipie had to rescue one of the Navy lads from a couloir.  Good job they're defending the seas not the mountains then!

Gap skier Ben meandered slightly off piste on a pub crawl.  He was found collapsed, covered in his own puke, piss and shit and had to be dragged back to Lavachet by an unlucky Morgan. Did he make it to his course the next morning we wonder?

Chalet girl and ski host in a cheeky lift pash.

Loop KP and Brassero, Loop Barmaid and Scotty's barman, Loop chef and Alpaka barmaid and now passion is pumping up in Vice City between a certain Saloon lass and the Couloir.

Romance is in the air it would seem.......... keep your eyes posted for more details on the shock Tignes love affair!

Red lippy lover holds on to her KP but our Loopy lass finds new entertainment in the Sweatshop

Brasero staff request girl times for KP after observing him slapping a chicken fillet like a bare buttock looking mildly aroused

Aussie Dan places his meaty chicken wing in Chris M's moist willing mouth ... hmm, thanks for that image!

Sophie (chalet girl) claimed her 2nd victim of the week & proceeded to keep the chalet awake with her screams of joy.

Loop bar maid is late for ski lesson after canoodling on enemy grounds.

MW head ski host fiddles with a fellow employee in the kiddies park then returns to the hotel and finds another lass to share fluids with.

Paddy was enjoying a relaxing bath and looked down to find he was bathing in a milky scum.  Disturbingly, a drain reflux problem had resulted in Ryan's man jus floating back up the pipes.

Verity's bro Will gets it on with the Troyster.

Not meaning to make light of Loop Morgan's neck brace (that resembles one of Scottish Robbie's turtle neck sweaters) but questions have been asked.  Apparently he bashed his funny bone in his elbow against the till and went off to the Kitchen as it made him feel faint.  Best gueses are that he then passed out and smashed his head as he came out in quite a serious state.  Thankfully he's looking better now (apart from the neck brace) and hopefully he'll get the all clear from the hospital tomorrow (Saturday).  Hope you're feeling better fella!

Have Loop's Joe and SW Bex consummated the deal?  Folk on the ground reckon so.

Quote from an unknown source in Scotty's "I'm going home to bed now. I may have a very sore finger in the morning..."

Charlotte (Head Nanny), Ricky (Head Ski Host) & Scottish Andy got involved in some Christmas eve 3some action much to the disgust of her roommate who was left homeless for the night.  Quote from Charlotte the following morning ‘my arse hurts’

Tignes.co.uk Sarah accidentally chucks her phone into a near empty poubelle.  Despite ingenious trash grabber attempts, the 10 foot depth was too far for her to reach so she had to climb in amongst the aged food decomposition to retrieve it.

Cheeky Loop Bar KP enjoys movie night second showing with Braseros Red Lippy!  Apparently he was too distracted on the first showing with fellow Loop-ite that he had to find someone else for the re-run.

Dangerous Dave falls in a hole after losing his ski and needs to be pulled out by Ryan and co.

Tignes Saloon Bar's Posh n Becks are back on 'cos Beck's bezzie mate Phil couldn't perform

Alpaka's Logan falls asleep snoring whilst standing up.  This is after spending 10 minutes getting angry that he can't undo his jacket due to battling with the pocket zip.

Alpaka Ben chases roomie around the flat, naked from the waist down.  Aparently he was annoyed that he was inspecting his tackle.

Alpaka resident guest, Ian accidentally flashes new bar lass

Loop's DB takes issue with a wall, the wall won!

Loop chef trips over Tignes roving reporter passed out in the corridor of the home club at 9am on NYD...best say it b4 anyone else!

The Cheerleaders run out of petrol twice on snowy mountain road from gig. Startlingly, Rory saves the day with a Mac Donalds paper cup!

Alpaka chef sets home club alight with pizza cooking skills, when awoken from druffen slumber by roomie he blames her for the fumes

Si attempts to make a replica of his sporran contents but apparently there wasn't enough snow ... hmm well his nickname is "big man"

Now this is from the horse's mouth so it is definitely true but my life wouldn't be worth living if I revealed who.  Whilst enjoying some energetic on top action, she accidentally powered down on her chocolate whizzway.  Apparently respect is due to the boyfriend who is rather well endowed but on this occassion it wasn't appreciated so much.  She couldn't walk for three days and gave herself piles!

SW staff april fool big cheese by cling filming her car.

Imo has an all night bender with her dad and ends up in a field.

Apparently Gyrating Anna did not snog Paddy in an attempt to make Simon jealous... honestly you vicious tongues out there!

Tamara's bar trial ends up with her giving herself an almighty shiner whilst moshing behind the bar.  Think she might be back to scrubbing toilets.

Al's toilet reading material is an Avalanche safey manual.  That's some serious bowel action.

Dunc bans Sarah from eating too much sugar as it makes her wee smell funky.

Rory and Anna wake up the Dragon lodge with their own cheers.

Irritated that the Cheerleaders weren't appreciating his help moving / knocking down the speakers, Brucie stage bombs Rory and starts unplugging all the equipment.  Reason #1 to not serve Woody a bottle of jagermeister.

Boisses based chef follows through quite dramatically whilst in the kitchen.  Embarressed and quite startled by the brown trickle down his leg, he quickly dashes to put his pants in the washing machine and washes his phone as well.

The Saloon boys are not helping slightly gullible Lauren with their factless information.  She only found out the other day that there isn't a different moon for each country.

Lauren has to decide on her post season love match.  She's got a boyfriend at home and a serial punter that visits for more than the snow.  What should she do?

Scottish Si was forced to sleep in the corridor when DB locks him out to entertain ONE of his ladies.

Numpty late night fodder needs lead him to the kebab shop.  The guy refuses to serve him until he coughs up the dosh for his tab from two years ago.  Ouch!

Never really understood why boys enjoy watching porn together but I'm pretty sure this scenario is not one usually anticipated.  Jack and Sammy were passing the evening away with the laptop balanced on Sammy's lap playing some kind of "cultural documentary" only for Jack to spy Sammy's one eyed pant panther staring at him from behind the monitor.

Outrageously, last week Miles had claimed the bedding of Gilly before having acquired the prize.  It appears he required a bit of extra legwork before the lass gave it up... including getting his leg over two other girls and a boy!  Unable to control himself whilst waiting for Gilly, he took himself to Val d'Isere and one girl later he still was not relieved and jumped in with his mate and his prize.

Buzz got punished with booze related birthday tasks and ended up falling asleep in the wardrobe ... and then peed all over his own birthday card.

Apparently Dom is now playing down under.

Barmy Barny has left resort but not before sharing a beautiful gem.  Apparently whilst packing some bum based wind resulted in some brown based pant results.

Loop Ben wakes up thinking he'd scored that evening only to discover he was pumping his pillow.

1. Jade, 2. Chloe Aiguille, 3. Ginni, 4. Hmm, stupidly promised I wouldn't print it, 5. French bird he can't remember the name of, 6. Jess, 7. Val girl #1 Suzie, 8. Val girl #2 Anna, 9. Crystal big bird, 10. Esprit chick, 11. Mimi (that was 8 weeks so he claims that has dented his performance) 12. MW Cat, 13. Coucheval Ava,  13.  Random lift chick,   14. Gilly (claimed before even realising the prize).  Only had two comments on the return on investment by the ladies so far:

"big cock but doesn't know what to do with it"

"it was rape!"

Feel free to send in your performance review girls.

Emma, finding her bed cold and lonely, called on Ed for a midnight feast.  In a corridor of convenience she sampled his curd and was on her whey.  He was later found unconscious, drained in the hallway she left him in.

Al's been beating on the laydees again.  Leary Louis tried to take him on but he pulled out his martial arts skills and threw her to the ground.  He expected a bit of a fight from the feisty one but was dissapointed when she ran off scared of his mighty power.  Really need to work on your pulling technique my boy.

Jess gets in trouble with x-Loopy barmaid, Elspeth for trying to steal her man Joe.  Well she is in Val these days so she mustn't read this high brow publication which would have informed her that Jess is soon to be married... well at least that she's got some other fella's pork sword to grapple with.

Secret web cam antics cause Jade to kick Miles' computer and him.  She's moved onto bar pastures new, and got herself a piece of Ben botty.

Piers druffen (un)dressing technique worked a dream as comdedy pecks turned into molestation on the dance floor with chef Kate's cousin.

Booty busts out some gok style fashion renovations with her boob stabilisation apparatus. 

Tamara is on the market for a new oven for cremating pizza based snacks.  In fact, she could also do with a spot of decorating, a glade pluggin and a smoke detector if anyone has such items going spare.

Apparently we were too subtle last week with the "make time to design poo" chat.  As Rory from the Cheerleaders enjoyed pointing out to the crowd, it was indeed Tom who defecated over that chicks leg.

Axle Alex catches chlamydia but he's finished his anti-biotics so he's back on the market for new diseases.

Every wondered how Jack from the Saloon bar has such a highly coiffed barnet.  All down to his hair straighteners we hear.

Jess' bi tendancies get her all a squidgy for the Monster girls and asks Tom if it counts as cheating if she had sex with another girl.  He agrees maybe not if he can watch.

Jess asked boyf to marry her.  He said he would if she chowed down on the bacon bazooka althoughhe then added the "sometime" clause after the meal was finished.

Miles and Jack have an underwear shrine.  Apparently the prize piece is a rather startling large Crystal bra acquired by Miles.

Abi (not me!) from Brasero responded to the honey trap request printed a couple of weeks ago when  Helen of Troy's boyfriend decided to join in the game of playing away.  Apparently he knew she'd been riding washing machines all around town. 

If the French coke boys have gotten themselves beaten up, Kate apologises.  They discovered the word "jugs" and are now wandering around the resort exclaiming "nice jugs".

Rose fuelled chat reveals that chef Kate was a calendar girl for Plymouth.  More rose results in the Alpaka girls signing themselves up to make an Alpaka laydees in the buff calendar.  They'll be on sale before the end of the season!

Miles and Jack have set up a hidden sex cam and have been getting some footage for their porn film plan.  Sorry to break it like this but Sammy and Chloe you're going to be stars and Jade you're not safe either.

Ginnie requests that hot SW bloke she met in the Melting Pot the other night identifies himself.  She can't remember who he is but he had a mar-rouge (I think that's supposed to be a colour) hat on apparently and she is very keen to touch him.

Miles provides a meaty feast for some random chick in a lift.

Miles informs us that he doesn't have any diseases anymore as he's had his chlamydia medicine.

Ginni never one to shy away from the opportunity of getting her mamories out, gets involved at Adam's gig at the Loop.  No surprise there but hang on a minute .. he's like her brother int he?

An enthusiastic scoucer performs the wind mill that takes 3 girls into the Loop toilet.

Hazzer awakes his room mate with his sleepy calls of "I'm ready, I'm ready ... no no!".  Unfortunately the dream details were nor revealed.

One too many hot n steamy acts in the laundry room have caused sparks to fly it appears.  The sex (washing) machine featured a couple of weeks back has been officially condemmed after a rather ferocious fire.

( featuring Helen of Troy)  As their sex den has been burnt down the boys need to fund a new pad of iniquity.  To fund this matter they are going to make a porno and are accepting audition request.   Please ask in Scotty's for more details / abuse / letchy comments.

Did you know that Alpaka Kate was a junior skipping champion?  Bored on the council estate she was dragged up on, the kids found a piece of old rope and started skipping.  They were discovered when caught skiving off school and were entered into the Nationals under the name "The Kiddaroos".  Go ask her, she's got medals and everything.

Al claims he went to boarding school but rumour has it that it was an institute for young offenders.

The Melezes chef makes a bet he can last 2 days without swearing.  He lasts just 40 minutes until someone conveniently points on that he's missed his mum's birthday.  The forfeit is to ski to Brevieres sans clothes.

Marked and Piersed.  Cheese and wine makes her sleepy but the Boisses boys make her bouncy.  Actually I don't know that maybe she was asleep and they were just prodding her to wake her up. 

Jade says Miles swells up rather impressively... well at least in the facial department.  Looks like the infection he's been working on spreading has finally caught up with him.

Wanted: Hot female to create honey trap to entice visiting boyfriend into compromising position to justify dumping / seasonal slapperage behaviour.

Attempts to impress a skate chick is met with the response "what's this sh*t?  I'm gonna sh*t on his shoes" and an entertaining chunder show.

Chalet girl doesn't get sacked for over entertaining the guests but apparently partying with them in the hot tub was one service too extreme.

Painters and decorators in?  Doesn't bother Jess as she'll happily consider some alternative plumbing.

M. Rubble displays his anger with his digits when he's not picked up when hitch hiking.  Unfortunately, he hadn't realised that it was in fact the gendarmes.  Clearly they were not impressed as they came back, ripped his hat in half and allegedly senetenced him to a good slapping.

Chalet staff must be too poor to own more than one set of clothes as they have to run the gauntlet naked to the washing machine to pick up clothes.  Apparently Sybil is quite skilled but poor Lois has been caught every time by guests coming out of their room.

Jade goes to watch the Natives boarder cross and looks confused across the track and asks "Is that Italy like, man?"

SW accountant, keen to not miss the funi, tries to jump the barrier.  Unfortunately, he gets tangled up, trips on to his face and attracts the attention of the lifties who threaten to take his ski pass off him.  Having closely averted that eventuality, he falls off the next lift he gets on making the crowd behind wait for him to be helped back up.

Paddy leaves a pee surprise for SW head honcho.

Kommissar turns on the charm with the line "I'd declare my love for you ... if you were 5 years younger". Ouch!

Ouch!  Banjo boy needs restringing again.

No pudding, coffee or after eights for Timmy.  After enjoying the second course of Veggie (only waking half the hotel this time), the kitchen closes for business.

Sam rides some worldly wise girl on a bonnet of a car.  He's so disgusted with himself he cleans his man down with disinfectant after.

Well the fresh meat has gone off it appears.  Even though Rubix boy said he'd come round, he gets diverted by the Brasero menu and goes home with an alternative dish.  Apparently she's not bothered though, as she's shipping in new tasty replacements this week.

Watch out ladies.  Mimi has gone home so Miles is back hunting for places to lay his hat.

TC, DB, Sharples and John spend a night snuggled up in DB's bed.  Surely that defies physics.

Saloon boys discover they've been sharing their apartment with a rogue guest.  Both lads thought it was the other one sleeping when they came in at different times.  Nobody knows who he was or what he was doing there.

Pip pulls her pants down and gets caught on the CCTV camera.  She reckon's it's all Alex's fault for pulling his down first (although cunningly out of view of the camera).  Pip's boss gets called into the police station as a result.

Danny finally beds Harriet after a long hard & persistent effort with much dry humping... of course he’s now gone off her!

MW Dan plays wingman but steals the SW nanny prize.

Sorry boys, you’ve got to be quick . New chalet girl doesn’t last one night before she’s snapped up by a Rubix crown. She was hard to get, he had to make her fried egg sandwiches and everything.

DJ Kommissar's care in the community side line puts him in the firing line.  Whilst looking after his weeping, puking side kick Tom, sympathetic room mate, Brains, chucks a banger into the mix.  The war zone confusion leads to a fingers in door slam incident and a lot of girlie moaning.  Tom gets to return his saviour's favour the following day when he finds Kommissar in a pile of his own rock n roll chunder juice. 

Wishes to wreak revenge on Miles after his photographic offering last week were granted.  We're going to have to wait another week for the print but there is a photo of him exploding from both ends on its way.

Apparently last week's printed porn wasn't the first time that washing machine had seen some action.  Hannah and Gav had previously broken it's seal.

Veggie and Timmy are officially loved up.  They've been having quiet nights in and he was even caught on a love ski.

Boss gets employee drunk then sacks him the next day when he's late and fails the brethaliser test.

Angered by all the canine dirt around the resort, chef and ski host decide to make a stand.. of sorts.  They dumped their man based equivalent in the Le Lac tunnel.  Not entirely sure of that logic gents.

With preparations made and supplies packed, they set off for the long and arduous yet rewarding journey to the Leisse refuge.  Arriving, they did as Shackleton himself probably would have done, they got out the vast quantities of booze they had brought and got themselves all busted up.  Having passed out from over consumption of the supplies, they awoke to a room full of smoke as their fire had started to burn through the floor.  Don't worry though, the refuge is still there with a roof on it and after a hearty breakfast of porridge made with water (no room for other supplies) they just about made it back.

Luke all you cheating minxes, this one was a close call.  Hotel host nearly gets caught out when boyfriend from home comes on surprise visit.

Hannah has a dream that she's up the duff and without pops being on the scene (Owain you bad man), she decides to bring it up with gap ski Siobhan.  On a similarly startling note, Ania turns to Matt and says "I think I f*cked you last night in my dream"!

A Loop chef bakes up some tasty treats for two and onlookers to the terrace note that he wins more than a jib stick that raffle night.

The angelic vocals of a spirited kiwi sends someone a bit loopy and gains some sharp looks.

Shorts or a ski jacket?  What's going on in the world?  The English community nearly grinds to a halt when Alex selfishly gets swept up in the A.Skillz night and doesn't make it in time to do the news and weather on the radio.  Karma delivered her justice though and he busted up his arm the next day.

Two unnamed gents were observed leaving the drop zone's toilets together in a bit of a fluster.

Miles gives Jade phone chat whilst she's on top of some lucky chap

Jess, now all relationshiped up, is bored by her sex life and has to have Ginni come in for a chat mid-throng to keep her awake.

Saloon's Danish barmaid has bagged herself a local ski instructior

Irish maintenance man is found asleep on the drop zone's toilet.

After trying to break a Christian cherry, he gets fed up of just cuddling and the forbidden nanny fruit tempts him to stray.  God works in mysteriously painful ways though and the next attempt results in a further bed time stories without a happy endings.  Third time lucky surely!  No divine intervention happens again and the first girl walks in on him shocked and hurt  to find him cuddling another girl. 

Adam fails to excite his pull and passes out.  He wakes up later to find the poor lass having to entertain herself. 

Sleezy pull-in boy attempts to impress the lasses with his winning charm.  After showing off his pant wares, he tells Moira to "go get yourself a drink and we might have sex later".  She gets herself a drink and he gets himself an emtpy bed.

TC was spotted on an early morning bus still sporting his glad rags from the night before.

Birthday boy takes a cheeky nap mid 36 hour bender on the Alpaka loo.  He might have got away with it if he's snoring hadn't disturbed the customers upstairs.

A two day bender confuses Gav and he can't remember how old he is.

Scott gets fired after rather foolishly revealing chalet wine consumption on Facebook

A ski instructor grabs the arse of his student and gets a bit of a shock when she turns round and it's not his girlfriend.  Probably an even bigger shock when he turns around and see's his girlfriend watching.

So somebody reckons Nat from Embuscade can deep throat a banana.  Can we get some video evidence please?

Miles over celebrates the ball and chain being away which results in a wee bit of stomach churning in Jack's.  He attempts to make it outside but doesn't realise the glass doors are shut and deposits the night's consumption all over the door.  Worried he'll never be allowed back he texts Jack to apologise.  Jack says he's no reverend and he's welcome back into his chapel of iniquity.  Phew!

SB boy lives a bit Dutch.  Hmm is this the Saloon sharing we wonder?

Resort manager and Vie Girl.  He's definitely enjoying it.

SB and Saloon barman have been enjoying sharing the laydee lurvin.

Something about man juice and forehand skills from Jack .. really got to either start writing more coherently in my iphone of truth or stop drinking shots.

Rob com chef and spanky face disease nanny from Val to consummate soon.  We're waiting on the verdict

Ski host riddled with clamida shares the unprotected love.  The lucky gent was all clear but suffered irritation due to clinic payment.

Apparently Jack's flat cap has taken on a life of it's own and has moved on to a new owner.  Jack looks sad and lonely without it.

Suze reckons, her and Tony are the next Posh n Becks.  Well Tone was the guvnor of Tignes summer footie team.

Ooo Numpty meets the inlaws that have come all the way from New Zealand to check out their daughters new suitor.  He didn't dare teach them how to ski though!

Saloon and Vie bar chicks get it on.

Tom feels violated and dissapointed after accidentally falling asleep in a hot girl's bed.  Violated for waking up naked and disappointed that she wasn't!

2 Irishmen, an Englishman, a Canadian and a donkey get a ban from a certain Boisses based hotel for having a  3am hottub party with the rapidly depleting staff.

Dr. Dump abandons the seasonaire lifestyle to return to Cambridge for his doctorate but not before leaving a present on the doormat.  To make matters worse the housemate pulling the straw for cleaning it up had a cut on his fingers and some of the unstudiable matter had to be scrubbed out... urgh!

Free shots for Pimps n Ho's fancy dress meant SW Emily wasn't going to miss out and calls in the debt for flashing the bar staff.

Miles wrestles with how to entertain himself now that he's worked through every girl in town and has started contemplating his facebook status.

Turns out she's not a tourist and not tubby.  She does enjoy a good BJ though.

Laura says "I'm here for cake and cock"... "Why do my hands taste salty"

TC protects a girl's and gets attacked by small yappy chav.  Thankfully he could only jump high enough to hit him in the bitch tit. 

Scottish Hugh gets full service from ski host.

Tom requests information on who he was seen kissing as he can't remember.

Ben gets 50 Euro tip for out of hours performance.

Dirty boy finds himself double parked at the bar.  Not with drinks obviously.  Two girls he'd been entertaining turn out to be friends that hadn't realised they'd be sharing a common interest.

SO chalet staff walk into scene with a guest sticking a wine bottle up their ass. 

Hotel bar manager has debatable incident with guest .. They were either enjoying a good ol snack over the bar or an innocent kiss on the balcony.  You decide.

Birthday girl lifts her top to stop the bus she missed.  She rewarded bus driver and all the passengers by getting boobs out.... not managed to obtain the video yet but apparently it's doing the rounds!

Sam pulls bird that looks like Yoda after being promised a night of action but discovered the painters and decorators were in town and had to make do with a blow job that was so bad he couldn't finish... f*ck!

Chalet host sleeps with boss's brother whilst on holiday away from his girl friend.

Rival tour op boys get in a scrap in the Saloon over chair pushing incident.

Alpaka Kate chunders in the toilet at Jack's moments before Scotty's barmaid and boyf follow up with romantic love making in the same spot.

Nanny that got fired decides to make her last night in resort a belter, she scores with a hotel chef who precedes to give her a damn good rogering.  Chef desperate for a wazz politely asks if he can urinate on her breasts, of course she was only too happy to oblige.

Apologies.  Apparently Danny gave Harry a good hour of dry humping to make up for the fact he couldn’t perform

Danny has finally got over the fact him & Laura will never be together & has moved on to Harriet.  Danny was too drunk to perform from what we can tell.

Chef Timmy must have been pulling out some amazing sex moves – screams were heard through 6 walls & from about 30 metres away

Flower girl pops 8'6'' chalet boy's cherry.  He was semi pleased with his1st effort & gave himself a drunken 5 out of 10.  He didn’t rate his companion as highly & gave her a lowly 2 out of 10.

Tony has hooked up with new lady friend Suze.

Sarah throws beer down Adam's pants but Georgie gets the punishment pint in her face.

TC bets SW guest's extentions are wig.  Adam takes her home to investigate further.

Scotty's barman gets BJ from tubby tourist.

Robin spoons brother's ex shag.

Will's bro is out to extend the brummie antics.  After enjoying a bit of Anna he gets a good slapping by "spade hands" Ginnie

Bondage boy goes out to pull a bird and returns with two men and a black eye.

Tom's only out for a week and he's already bloodied the sheets.

Chef Timmy applies liberal use of Veggie action.

Jess declares that she's not making any gossip anymore as she's not going out, just staying in and having sex so much they broke the bed.  He must be good, he got a coat out of it.

Your favourite Scotty's gossip makers apparently managed to keep their early season lurvin to themselves.  Happily for us, they're not so good at it anymore.

All the black copies of the guide mysteriously dissappeared last week.  Apparently Miles and Mimi are still on as a result.  Do you think she knows all the gossip back history is on www.upflatdown.com??

Seed planting in a certain floral garden has been well fertilized this week:  Marcus' bro, ski bum Robin, a ski instructor / Wednesday barman and a totally spirited Ben over an out of hours bar. 

Chalet girl gets fired after holding on to extra equipment over night.  Equipment refuses to be named. 

Stumbles into the flat, drags Kiwi to the living room with the romantic announcement that "we're going to have sex".  2 minutes later snoring noises are heard.  False hopes or speedy performance? Lucky lady whichever way you spray paint it.

Wet noise complainer gives Kiwi the chance to return the favour of reporting night squelching noises from the living room.

SW boy tries to ski in Miles' shoes and goes on love ski with Ginni.  He's now on a plane to Gatwick with a set of crutches.

The lothario strikes again with new MW fresh blood.

Miles screws it up with hot ski host by cheating after two days of facebook status changing.

Naomi's ski date with Dirty Boy results in expected druffen-ness, post date speed dating in the Loop and waking up next to two well formed naked foreign legionaires.  More man that she could handle apparently.

Harry demonstrates skills of downing drink and smashing glass with his forehead.  Unfortunately the glass won.

Owain cracks his helmet and nearly his noggin with rad ski skills.  Miles doesn't have foresight to blame key issue on the concussion.

Leave his car keys in the fire exit and deny any knowledge of having had them.  Mile's you've been rumbled.

Miles nearly gets a manage a trois with South African safari guide chat up line only to have cover blown and have to brave the wilderness home alone.

Looks like Numpty's performance was in question seems his Kiwi friend opts for a bit of Frenchie action.

SW chalet girl spotted in Lower Lavachet reviewing the contents of her stomach in the snow... at 8am!  Headed towards the Home Club so either enjoying the next day walk of shame or there was one painful day at work in store.  Identity unknown so feel free to name and shame.

Numpty is still enjoying going down under although Al has now banished him from making wet noises in the lower bunk and has been spreading his jus into the living room.

Gini's beer based excitement at the New Year celebrations resulted in her being ambulanced to the medical centre and forced to drink water.  She was dissapointed when they then sent her on her way without giving her a lift home.  All respect to the lass though, as she was supping champagne on the slopes at 10 am the next day with her ski host guests.

Georgie takes a splash as her bar dancing skills in Veronicas result in a tumble into the sink.

Scotty's snorer wants you to know that the Rubix boys forgive her for being a bit of a tart . 

She's short and marches about the Alpaka bossing everyone around but a few chrimble shots in her direction and she abandons her troops to cover her shift whilst she hugs the big white telephone.

Darn that breathalyzer.  MW boozin restuls in Christmas day sacking.

Fred gets thrown over a barrier only to get thrown back... no further details due to not remembering writing that into my phone.  Must be true though if it is in the iphone of truth.

A game of secret bump n grind shadowing results in a near slap confrontation as Kate picks the wrong girl's boyf to pretend to molest.

Another TC New Year injury.  Numpty's celebratory stability caused him to stagger down the two flights of concrete steps, keeping his balance until the last step when he trips up his own feet and lands on his face.  See the photies for the impressive result.

TC's ye olde traditional hogmanay all night bender results in the big man getting chucked out of Braseros on New Year morn after demanding a burger, smashing a glass and passing out on their couch.  Pretty sure the engineering of the manoeuvre wasn't that easy.

TC demonstrates his athletic skills to Lindo and Naomi in Jack's as the lights go on and they are swept out past everyones bed time.

Radio DJ has mind permanently scarred when Loop barman points out his dulcet tones awake his morning glory.  A personal message is aired the following day.      

Scotty's bar maid visits pharmacy for ibuprofen, lemsip and condoms in the hope of improving boyfriend's performance.

A spritied chalet host provides special internal jiggling comfort to his clients.

Loop love shots are fast acting this year.  43 seconds from arrival at the bar (in Jacks) to acquiring mouthal attention by a Danish lass has got to be a record.

Nanny gets a hat trick in one night with 2 kitchen beatches and a chalet host. 

Will Danny and Laura please just admit they want each other and quit the relentless flirtation and fake toilet sex??

Kieran gets caught on the staff "sex sofa".  Information from this secret source is either implying there was a lot of flesh involved or that Banjo Boy has a whole lot of Banjo on offer.  Perhaps Amelia can verify.

Dickie bored of chatty lass and too scared to venture into painter and decorator territory considers alternative option of Oscar the dog.

Beware ladies in Brev.  Some young cad is keeping track of his performance on his online diary.

Tod accidentally sends text to the wrong number.  In case it didn't get to required recipient, we thought we'd best print it:

"Hi Beth is this your number?  Hope u had a good night I now I did.  And hope we can meet up again. X"

Al gets in a strop when Numpty and Cheryl start making "wet noises" in the bunk below him.  Karma paid it's price though when Numpty's skis got nicked the next morning.

Rose n Josh promise a curry night.

SW head honcho leaves floater for staff to flush.

Well that's what we heard.  Might just be the Alpaka cocktails she consumes in vats though.

Adam pilots a new mission but was it into RAF knickers or boy's shreddies?  (S)He sported a rose tatoo but not sure what that proves.

After being told off for play fighting in the Loop, one delightul character decided to pay back by leaving a turd based present for the staff in the cistern of the toilet.

Paddy has been spreading his irish charm around town. He ran away from one lass not being able to handle such firm face love only to lose his phone in some unknown chalet.

So it turns out Dave's nickname isn't from his ski based stunts and the current broken bones are due to leaping off bridges when drunk so hold back on the admiration and sympathy peops! 

Scotty’s barman eventually extracts hot ski host from the clutches of Rubix boy and her lady lovin’.

Apologies to gossip regular for missing out on his early season skill last week by providing extensive services in the Melezes. After putting a smile on the management’s face, he moved on to entertaining the boss’ daughter.

Cleaning staff at the Melting Pot discover a Ski World ski host happily napping in the corner of the club at 6.30.

One of the Scotty's barmaids has been reported as a bit of a fog horn whilst sleeping.  Which one are you reckoning on?

It's not just the seasonaires that are getting up to no good this year, the priest of the Tignes church was derobed this week for getting some young lass up the duff!

Lindo's charm, wit and good looks made some jail bait millionaire worry he was going to lose his sweet lady this week.  Not having realised what lay in the alcohool memory holes of the night before, a slightly startled lindo was confronted by this beady eyed wanna be Ray Winstone the next morning.  Luckily this delightful character has now left town and Lindo can come out from the kitchen.

Allegedly homeless ski instructor offers services in return for a warm bed for the night.

Scotty's bar man put his foot down and said no to a romantic dinner with hot ski host.  Just because she opted for enterraining another gent the night before.  He's so not bothered apparently.

Tomato ketchup covered ski instructor informs us that she is still enjoying great sex with instructore boyfriend after 7 years.  She was keen to sahre that evening so I thought it my duty to print such a fact.

Boyfriend of Scotty's barmaid tried to make some sweet lurvin but she rumbled him.  She could tell he was drunk by his eyes.  Eyes??.. hmm you sure the stinking break, stumbling into the furniture and facid man area weren't a give away?

New SW girl has taken full advantage of the meat selection available this year having enjoyed a degustation of 4 available sausages in her first week. 

MW escort ... er I mean ski host.. is currently testing out his services with two ladies and is looking for further test equipment.  All applications considered.

Head chef bangs a chalet girl, she's now got a rash - apparently due to washing powder!

Another chef banged a chalet girl, snapped his banjo, blood all over the place.  His room mate (maintenance man) politely pretended he was asleep during the whole 'ordeal' as he put it, he kindly reported the goings on at lunch the following day.